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Fortæl en joke


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ValkyrieValkyrieSkrevet 03/02-05 14:49 
Ja... Fortæl en funny joke!

Jeg fandt en jeg syntes var meget cool alligevel;


"A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist.""


Hvad med jer?:P har i nogen morsomme?
Well crucify the insincere tonight...
LingobarLingobarSkrevet 03/02-05 16:09 
Tja, en gammel emailjoke, der er fra et rigtig radioprogram har jeg da... (håber ikke den er alt for fræk)

Heard it on the radio

If you don't laugh at the end of reading this then there's something wrong with you... Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Chicago folks DID hear this on the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes.
The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing I've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'MateMatch'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando, Florida if you win. What is your name? First only please."
Contestant: "Brian."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: "Yes."
DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian: "Sarah."
DJ: "Is Sarah at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"
Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian: "About 10 minutes."
DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?"
Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks..."
DJ: "Uh huh..."
Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: "On the kitchen table."
DJ: "Not that great?? That is moreadventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."

3 minutes of commercials follow.

DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?" (touch tones.....ringing....) Clerk: "Kinkos."
DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?" Clerk: "This is she."
DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'MateMatch'?"
Sarah: "No."
DJ: "Good!"
Brian: (laughing)
Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."
DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure.. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World. Sea World. Tickets to the Magic's game. The whole deal. Get it Sarah?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
DJ: "What time?"
Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Where did you have it?"
Sarah: "OH MY GOD, Brian!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"
Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Well, it's just that my mom is vacationing with us and..."
DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
Sarah: "In the ass....."

After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break"
Dine dage er salte...
RonaldoRonaldoSkrevet 03/02-05 16:40 
Russell Peters

http://www3.sympatico.ca/shinjitai/brown_guy.WMV

Det kan anbefales at se hele showet. Det er ikke blevet udgivet, men mon at ikke det kan findes på nettet.


----------Joke----------

The President, the First Lady and Dick Cheney are flying on Air Force One.

George looks at Laura, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000.00 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."

Laura shrugs her shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $100.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy"

Cheney says, "Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $10.00 bills Out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them and says to his co-pilot, "Such big shots back there..... hell, I could throw all of them out the window and make 56 million people very happy."
TKTKSkrevet 04/02-05 13:03, rettet 04/02-05 13:09 
ALLE børnene spiste ostemad,
undtagen Mogens,
han var ikke så vild med ost!
ValkyrieValkyrieSkrevet 27/02-05 12:40 
*Et fantastisk Val bump*


A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist and cannot see condoms on the shelf.

Frustrated, the deaf mute finally unzips his pants, places his member on the counter and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.

The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute, then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.

"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."
Well crucify the insincere tonight...
nerosnerosSkrevet 27/02-05 13:44 
What do you call a clock on the moon?

A Lunartick!
Bashful Neophyte
WehnerWehnerSkrevet 27/02-05 13:52 
A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks "How will I recognize him?"
"That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. "A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"? So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"? So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"? The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"? Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground. The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. "Perhapth I should rephrase that; Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?
>>Here's some boots and a sandwich<<Spiller nu: Assassin's Creed: Revel..., Elder Scrolls V, The: S...
ValkyrieValkyrieSkrevet 01/03-05 01:47 
Hah! Den her er også cool nok^_^


"There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife

felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him of this crazy habit.


So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.


She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure device ... a vibrator ... soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She goes completely ballistic. "You impotent fake," she screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"


The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

"I'll explain the toy ... if you explain the kids.""
Well crucify the insincere tonight...
KeenKeenSkrevet 01/03-05 22:04 
Haha :)

Jeg her en lille kort optagelse fra noget stand-up med en alternaternativ udførelse af Torn med Natalie Imbruglia, men jeg har ikke noget link, så hvis der var en eller anden der har en server eller noget som ville lægge den ud så i andre kunne se den ville det være fedt...
I am the commander!Spiller nu: NBA 2K12, Elder Scrolls V, The: S...
NumbedNumbedSkrevet 01/03-05 22:56 
I belive the link your lookin for is:

LINK
I love Deadlines - I love the wooshing sound they make as they go by...
RuneSPRuneSPSkrevet 01/03-05 23:13 
Alle børnene gik op af vandet
undtagen Sten, han lå på bunden.
DommergaardDommergaardSkrevet 01/03-05 23:45 
Winning Eleven 8 Internationals system krav:

System: Intel Pentium III 800GHz or equivalent

GO GAMESPOT! ;) - Syg processor alligevel!

^^
JAAJAASkrevet 02/03-05 01:05 
Nintendo vinder konsolkrigen næste generation.
ValkyrieValkyrieSkrevet 02/03-05 01:30 
HAHAHAHAHHA...

*ligger flad på gulvet af grin*

Ohh Nintendon't...
Well crucify the insincere tonight...
GakuGakuSkrevet 02/05-05 23:51 
Clinton, Dubya and Gore are in a tragic plane crash and the next thing they know, they're standing before God, seated upon a blindingly radiant throne. God says to Gore, "Al...what do you believe?"

Al Gore says, "Well, I believe that I really did win that election. But for whatever reason, you decided that I was not destined to serve you in that capacity, and I have since made peace with it."

God says, "Very well, Al. You may sit to my left. Bill...what do you believe?"

Bill Clinton says, "I believe I did a lot of good, made a lot of enemies, and I was undermined by my own weakness that I should have been able to rise above. I wish to find forgiveness in my heart for those who sinned against me, and would hope that they likewise could find it in them to forgive me my trespasses."

God says, "Very well, Bill. You may sit to my right. George...what do you believe?"

And George W. Bush says, "I believe you're sitting in my chair."
TweelTweelSkrevet 03/05-05 00:58 
Alle børnene havde et navn
Undtagen
"The planet Orrere is mildly notable for Killer Ortibece Gargle Blasters" - Elite
KillerBean2KillerBean2Skrevet 05/05-05 14:02 
En bonde ta'r til byen og køber sig en ny hane, som skal parre sig med alle hans høns, eftersom den gamle ikke kan klare det mere. Bonden sætter hanen ind i hønsegården med det samme, for at den kan starte med at gøre gavn.

Den unge friske hane går straks hen til den gamle hane og siger: "OK, du gamle - så er det tid at trække sig tilbage". Den gamle hane svarer: "Du kan ikke klare alle disse høns, bare se hvordan det er gået mig". Den unge hane siger: "Hold nu op med det pis....det er tid for de gamle at trække sig tilbage og lade ungdommen ta' over......så ta' og skrid".

Den gamle hane tænker lidt over det og siger så: "Lad os gøre det sådan her, lille ven. Vi løber om kap rundt om laden. Den, som vinder, bestemmer fremover i hønsegården. Og eftersom du synes, at jeg er færdig, kan du vel give mig et lille forspring ??". "Okay" siger den unge hane, "hvorfor ikke, jeg vinder alligevel".

Så de stiller op til kapløb på bagsiden af laden, en af hønsene klukker "LØB" og den gamle piler af sted.

15 sekunder senere starter den unge hane. De runder forsiden af laden, og den unge hane haler ind på den gamle.

Bonden, som sidder og hviler sig på verandaen, ser op, ta'r fat i sit gevær og "BANG", plaffer han den unge hane, så den ryger ind i væggen med et "SPLAT".

Bonden vender sig om og siger: "Fandens også, det er 3. gang i denne uge, at jeg har købt en hane, der er bøsse".
AV Intelligent Terminal
KeenKeenSkrevet 07/05-05 18:40 
Jeg bad min chef om en fridag - her er hans svar:

Året har 365 dage, men du arbejder jo ikke alle dage.

På årets 52 uger, har du fri 2 dage hver uge.

Så er der 261 dage tilbage hvor du kan arbejde.

Du har fri 16 timer hverdag, det er sammenlagt 170 dage.
Så er der 91 dage tilbage hvor du kan arbejde.

Hver dag holder du frokost i 1 time - det bliver sammenlagt
48 dage. Så er der 43 dage tilbage hvor du kan arbejde.

Der er i gennemsnit 6 helligdage om året.
Så er der 37 dage tilbage hvor du kan arbejde.

Hver dag holder du i gennemsnit 10 minutters kaffepause, det
er sammenlagt 11 dage. Så har du 26 dage tilbage hvor du
kan arbejde.

Så har du ret til dine 25 dages ferie.
Tilbage er der 1 dag og den får du fandme ikke fri på!

-----

En gruppe nonner skulle på tur og stod og ventede på bussen, da den pludselig kom jordende og pløjede alle nonnerne ned...

Som nonner ryger de selvfølgelig direkte i himlen,
og ved perleporten møder de Skt. Peter.

"Jeg er nødt til at stille de damer et spørgsmål inden jeg lukker Dem ind, det er en ren formsag" siger Skt. Peter. "Søster Mary" spørger han "har du nogensinde rørt en Penis?" Søster Mary fniser og siger "Ja, jeg rørte engang spidsen af en mands penis".

"Så længe det kun var spidsen" siger Skt. Peter. "Vask dine fingerspidser i vievand, så er du klar til at komme i himlen." Søster Mary dypper sine fingre i Vievand.

Skt. Peter fortsætter "Og dig søster Marie, har du nogensinde rørt en penis?". "Ja" svarer søster Marie "engang jeg var på stranden skulle jeg træde over en nøgen mand og min fod snittede hans penis."
"Så længe det kun var din fod" siger Skt. Peter "skyl din fod i vievand og du er klar til at komme i himlen."

Pludselig opstår der uro blandt nonnerne og Søster Benedicte maser sig frem i køen, da hun har mast sig frem forrest, spørger Skt. Peter "Søster Benedicte, hvorfor har du så travlt?"

Søster Benedicte svarer "Hvis jeg skal gurgle hals i vievandet, så vil jeg helst gøre det inden Søster Karen dypper sin røv i det."
I am the commander!Spiller nu: NBA 2K12, Elder Scrolls V, The: S...
solid snakesolid snakeSkrevet 15/05-05 19:41, rettet 15/05-05 19:42 
Her er en vits alle kan nikke genkendene til...

Det er absurd at tro at videospil påvirker børn!
Hvis f.esk Pacman påvirkede børn i 80erne, ville vi idag have en masse unge mennesker, der hoppede rundt i mørke rum og spiste farvede piller og lyttede til monotont musik....
Hvordan kan man pege på ingenting.......?????????
solid snakesolid snakeSkrevet 15/05-05 19:41 
Manden til kammeraten: jeg købte en penisforstørre for 3000kr på bodegaen i går. Også kom den med posten idag.
IDIOT har kraftedeme sendt mig en lup!
Hvordan kan man pege på ingenting.......?????????
dchangdchangSkrevet 15/05-05 22:36 
Jeg fik lige den her over mail fra min mor:

IT party på fredag !

Hvert år i marts holder IT-afdelingen den vildeste fest for at fejre det nye år og de spændende opgaver der ligger forude. Så glem alle dine fordomme, og kom til en vild og funky fest - gør dig klar til en fantastisk aften og nat, hvor selv dine vildeste fantasier kan blive
til virkelighed!

We do it the IT-style, so get in the mood!

For at du kan få en lille idé om hvad der venter dig, vedlægger vi et billede fra sidste års fest.

VEL MØDT !

Push it...
Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics; even if you win, you're still retarded.
KillerBean2KillerBean2Skrevet 16/07-05 20:43, rettet 16/09-07 11:56 
En, som jeg selv synes er sjov:


Can cold water clean dishes?

This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!" For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!" Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car".

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted ...

"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"
AV Intelligent Terminal
Born2PlayBorn2PlaySkrevet 16/07-05 20:56, rettet 16/07-05 20:59 
A Rabbi, a Priest and a Blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "What is this? A joke?".

Edit: Fjernet
[Over the top - selv for mig]

What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is ****ing her.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a corvette?
I don't have a corvette in my garage.

Cristopher Reeves walks into a bar...

What is the similarity between a Big-Mac and Michael Jackson?
Thirty year old meat between ten year old buns.

How do you get a retarded kid to kill himself?
Give him a knife and ask him who's special.

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Swine flu for me and you!Spiller nu: Batman: Arkham Asylum
TLTLSkrevet 18/07-05 00:04 
Dødt link Dchang?
What is it Snake?Spiller nu: Guitar Hero, World Of Warcraft
KillerBean2KillerBean2Skrevet 03/01-06 12:32 
A new Year's Resolution...understanding your female partner...

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when
dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you
to understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the
woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something
she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get anypoints for
doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES:

1.You make the bed.....+1
2.You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
3.You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
4.You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
5.You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.....0
6.When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
7.When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.... -2
8.You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
9.In the snow .....+8
10.But return with beer.....-5
11.And no liners.....-25
12.You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
13.You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0
14.You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
15.You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
16.It's her cat.....-40

AT THE PARTY:

1.You stay by her side the entire party.....0
2.You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College
drinking buddy.....-2
3.Named Tiffany.....-4
4.Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
5.With breast implants.....-18

HER BIRTHDAY:

1.You remember her birthday.....0
2.You buy a card and flowers.....0
3.You take her out to dinner.....0
4.You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
5.Okay, it is a sports bar .....-2
6.And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
7.It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team ...-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS:

1.Go with a pal.....0
2.The pal is happily married.....+1
3.The pal is single.....-7
4.He drives a Ferrari.....-10
5.With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER:

1.You take her to a movie.....+2
2.You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
3.You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
4.You take her to a movie you like.....-2
5.It's called Death Cop III.....-3
6.Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
7.You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE:

1.You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
2.You develop a noticeable pot belly &exercise to get rid of it....+10
3.You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30
4.You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800

THE BIG QUESTION: She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

1.You hesitate in responding.....-10
2.You reply, "Where?".....-35
3.You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".....-100
4.Any other response.....-20

COMMUNICATION: When she wants to talk about a problem:

1.You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
2.You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
3.You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
4.You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying
"Well, what do you think I should do?".....-100
5.You have fallen asleep.....-200

ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH:

1.You talk.....-100
2.You don't talk.....-150
3.You spend time with her......-200
4.You don't spend time with her.....-500
5.You seem to be enjoying yourself..-1000

GAME OVER - YOU LOSE
AV Intelligent Terminal
HeroldHeroldSkrevet 03/01-06 13:06 
A Newfoundlander living in Toronto decided to visit the zoo. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at a person and tell that person's age. The Newfie was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. The trainer had the elephant look at a small boy, and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times.'Is that right?' he asked the boy. 'Oh yes,' the boy said. The Newfie was very loud in expressing his disbelief so the man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several other people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot, the people said he was correct.
The Newfie got even louder and more abusive toward the man. Finally, the trainer could take it no longer, and offered to bet the Newfie that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Newfie accepted the wager. The elephant looked very closely at the skeptic, then turned around, raised his tail and broke wind like you wouldn't believe. Then he turned back around and stomped his foot twice. The Newfie stumbled back, amazed, and with a sound of disbelief in his voice, cried, 'Lard tunderin' Jaysus b'y, he's right...I'm farty-two!'
This isn't life in the fast lane. This is life in oncoming traffic.Spiller nu: Left 4 Dead 2
KillerBean2KillerBean2Skrevet 23/06-07 13:32 
En gammel kone kom slæbende med to sorte plastsække efter sig. I den ene sæk var der hul, og en hundredlap faldt ud. En politimand så det, samlede sedlen op, rakte hende den og spurgte konen, hvad det var, hun havde gang i?

Tak, tusind tak Hr. Betjent, sagde konen. Sækken er fuld af hundredlapper, men det er IKKE nogen jeg har stjålet. Ser de, jeg bor lige bag fodboldbanen, og når der er kamp, plejer tilskuerne at smutte over i min have for at tisse. Så står jeg på lur med min hæksaks og siger: "Hundred kroner - eller jeg klipper den af!"

Ja - grinede betjenten - det var jo ikke en dum ide, men er der så også hundredlapper i den anden sæk?
Nej - Nej - det er jo ikke alle, der betaler.
AV Intelligent Terminal
KillerBean2KillerBean2Skrevet 24/06-07 13:44, rettet 24/06-07 13:45 
En grundskolelærerinde går til rektor og beklager sig:
"Den lille Mads i 1. klasse er næsten ikke til at holde ud! Han ved alting bedre! Han siger, at han er mindst lige så klog som sin søster, og hun går i 3. klasse. Og nu vil han også i 3. klasse!"

Rektor siger: "Rolig, rolig. Hvis han virkelig er så klog, så kan vi jo bare teste ham."

Som sagt, så gjort, og den næste morgen står den lille Mads sammen med sin lærerinde foran rektor. "Mads," siger rektor, "der er to muligheder. Vi stiller dig et par spørgsmål. Hvis du svarer rigtigt på dem, kan du starte i 3. klasse i morgen. Men hvis du svarer forkert, går du tilbage i 1. klasse og opfører dig ordentligt!!"

Mads nikker ivrigt.

Rektor: "Hvor meget er 6 gange 6?"
Mads: "36."

Rektor: "Hvad hedder Danmarks hovedstad?"
Mads: "København."

Osv. Osv. Rektor stiller sine spørgsmål og Mads kan svare rigtigt på alt.

Rektor til læreinden: "Jeg tror virkelig, at Mads ved nok til at komme i 3. klasse."

Lærerinden: "Må jeg ikke også stille ham et par spørgsmål?"
Rektor: "Jo, selvfølgelig."

Lærerinden: "Mads, hvad har jeg to af, men en ko har fire?"
Mads, efter en lille tænkepause: "Ben."

Lærerinden: "Hvad har du i dine bukser, som jeg ikke har?"
Rektor undrer sig en smule over disse spørgsmål, men da svarer Mads allerede: "Lommer."

Lærerinden: "Hvad gør en mand stående, en kvinde siddende og en hund på tre ben?"
Rektor står med munden åben, men mads nikker og siger: "Giver hånd."

Lærerinden: "Hvad er hårdt og rosa, når det kommer ind, men blødt og klæbrigt når det kommer ud?"
Rektor får et hosteanfald, bagefter svarer Mads roligt: "Tyggegummi."

Lærerinden: "Hvor har kvinder det mest krusede hår?"
Rektor falder sammen i stolen, men Mads svarer helt spontant: "I Afrika!"

Lærerinden: "Godt, Mads, et sidste spørgsmål. Hvad griber kvinderne helst fat i hos en mand?"
Det sortner for Rektors øjne, og Mads svarer: "Pengepungen."

Rektor: "Godt, godt. For min skyld kan Mads også starte i 4. klasse, eller i gymnasium hvis han vil. Jeg svarede selv forkert til de sidste 6 spørgsmål ..."
AV Intelligent Terminal
dRxLdRxLSkrevet 24/06-07 16:31, rettet 24/06-07 16:31 
JAA>
Nintendo vinder konsolkrigen næste generation.

Skrevet 2005-03-02 i denne tråd som en joke, og er med det sidste halve års udvikling in mente blevet nærmest spydigt-sjov :-p
SIMDSpiller nu: Sonic Mania, Super Mario Odyssey, Wonder Boy: The Dragon'...
ChronoChronoSkrevet 24/06-07 19:18 
Haha - JAA har jo profetiske evner :D
I can't go fighting evil on an empty stomach, you know!
QQSkrevet 25/06-07 00:26 
dRxL>
JAA>
Nintendo vinder konsolkrigen næste generation.

Skrevet 2005-03-02 i denne tråd som en joke, og er med det sidste halve års udvikling in mente blevet nærmest spydigt-sjov :-p

Valkyries response er jo næsten sjovere...
It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum. But I'm all outta gum!Spiller nu: Legend Of Zelda, The: B..., Red Dead Redemption 2
KLTKLTSkrevet 25/06-07 23:29 
Der var jo seriøst ikke mange af os der havde spået den udvikling vi har set på det sidste jo, og at Nintendo skulle vende tilbage i så stor stil som det er tilfældet!
9/11 Was An Inside Job
KillerBean2KillerBean2Skrevet 16/09-07 11:53 
På en restaurant bemærkede jeg, at der stak en ske op af alle tjenernes brystlommer. Da jeg bestilte, spurgte jeg den pågældende tjener hvorfor.

"Jo", sagde han "vi har haft et stort LEAN-konsulentfirma til at gennemgå alle vores arbejdsprocesser. Efter flere måneders arbejde konkluderede de, at gæsterne taber deres skeer 73,84% oftere end andet bestik. Dette betyder, at der tabes 3 skeer pr. bord pr. time. Hvis tjenerne er forberedt på det, kan vi nedbringe antallet af ture tilbage til køkkenet efter rene skeer, og dermed spare 1 mandetime pr. vagt."

Mens han talte, bemærkede jeg, at der hang en snor ud af hans gylp. Da jeg så nærmere efter, havde alle tjenerne en sådan snor hængende. Jeg var nødt til at spørge min tjener, hvad snoren var til.

"Den er der ikke mange, der får øje på", sagde han. "Konsulentfirmaet fandt også ud af, at vi kunne spare tid på toilettet."

"Nå, hvordan det?"

"Jo, når man binder snoren til enden af... fyren, du ved... så kan man trække den ud over kummen uden at røre ved den. Dermed sparer man tid, da man ikke behøver at vaske hænder. Toilettiden er blevet reduceret med 76,39%!"

"Det lyder jo meget logisk, men hvordan putter man så fyren tilbage igen?"
"Jeg ved ikke, hvad de andre gør, men jeg bruger skeen" .
AV Intelligent Terminal
FourDFourDSkrevet 16/09-07 12:57 
Yo' mama so fat, her doctor said she had a flesh-eating disease and told her she had 13 years to live!
Yeah, well, you know, that's just like, your opinion, manSpiller nu: World Of Goo, Grand Theft Auto: The B..., Final Fantasy Tactics A...
HyakotakeHyakotakeSkrevet 24/09-07 19:06 
SAS har solgt alle deres Dash 8-fly.

Køberen er bin Laden - han skal alligevel ikke bruge understellet til noget.

:-D
HyakotakeHyakotakeSkrevet 24/09-07 20:24 
Joke-relateret: Jeg har lige set lidt "Hvem vil være millionær" og spørgsmålet til TYVE TUSIND var:

"Hvilket spilfirma har produceret Wii-konsollen?"

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